I am

precariously balanced

on the precipice

walking the narrow path

between knowing

exactly what to do

and knowing absolutely nothing.

It’s like

having a flashlight

that will only shine

left and right

and directly behind

but never illuminating

the darkness in front of me.

It’s like

having all the tools

and knowing exactly

which ones to offer others

but fumbling about

grasping at objects

that now look so unfamiliar.

It’s like

having all this training

and extensive education

–pastoral words,

pastoral guidance,

even pastoral silence—

and not having it at all or ever.

I am

rendered absolutely

and completely human

a creature neither too big

nor too small to depend

on the strong and gentle hand

of my Beloved I Am.